6.16.2011

stop saying "I wish", start saying "I will"

Our income is earned solely from the use of my husband's body.  If something happens to it, that's the end.

No more paycheck.

Not only does it have to be in working order on a daily basis, but it has to be in peak physical condition year-round. 

Being a professional athlete requires one to dedicate his/her body to the sport.  Day after day of skating, lifting weights, doing conditioning exercises, etc. adds up quickly. 

When my husband goes to work each day, he burns nearly 2,000 calories.

As you can imagine, as a wife of a professional athlete, you already have to work very hard to not get lost in the shadow of your spouse.  Aside from all that, you want to keep up with him in the physical category, too.  Or at least I do.... I am very competitive, and I could never sit around and do nothing while my hubby flashes around his hot bod. 

Last summer, I was at my peak physical condtion.  Toned arms, toned legs, toned stomach, very heart-healthy.  I felt great, and I looked great. 

However, attempting to have a baby, being pregnant, (then not pregnant), then pregnant again, (then not pregnant again), then attempting to concieve a third time, weighs heavily on your body.  Your body doesn't work properly if you're over-active, and obviously losing prenancies and having surgery is very limiting.  Not to mention the fact that I have [more than once] fallen into the trap of 'eating my feelings' when I've been sad.

It's extremely frustrating- I really enjoy working out, and I'm normally a very healthy eater.  When uncontrollable circumstances affect these activities (well, okay... I'm guilty of the unhealthy eating from time to time...)  you can't help but feel a little lost from normal routine.  It was like groundhog day:  I was exercising less and eating extremely healthy while trying to concieve/being pregnant, then falling into the unhealthy eating habit after learning the pregnancy failed.... then trying to concieve/succeeding again and jumping back on the healthy bandwagon, then failing again and falling into the unhealthy tailspin again. 

Then, I realized: all I need to do is re-evaluate and modify.  If I have it written out, it will be much easier to follow, and I'll be less-likely to fall into the bad habits again.

My goals are:
  • to maintain a weight that is both healthy for me and keeps me in the best possible condtion for concieving.  If I need to be 5 pounds heavier off the bat to provide a good cushion for my little one to arrive and stay safe, so be it.  A small sacrifice to pay.
  • to re-tone my arms.  I know the muscle is under there, it's just not wanting to show it's face as much as it used to.  I quit most weight-bearing exercise at the start of my 2nd pregnancy in fear of it harming the baby (though knowing it wouldn't), and also after my surgery.  Time for the guns to come back out again.
  • legs and abs are another story.  They concern me more since they are closer to my baby-making parts.  I'm okay with them being a little less-toned for now.
  • Make sure that every single food/drink I put in my body every day is providing me some sort of nutritional benefit.
And I'm getting there by:
  • Walking the dog, walking on the treadmill, going for bike rides outside with J, swimming outside in the pool.
  • Low weight/high reps with hand weights and resistance bands (same as I did last summer/fall)
  • Ab exercises that avoid crunching motions, like plank variations.
  • Eating a well-balanced, healthy diet, and avoiding the temptations of all the lovely junk food here in the U.S.... which is simple, once I put my sadness aside.  As long as I don't let myself eat my feelings, it's pretty easy to do.  We've gotten back in the habit of making balanced, healthy meals from scratch now that I'm willing to spend more time on it again (recipes to come soon! :) ).
  • Accepting the fact that my child-bearing/attempting body is just not going to look the same as it did on my wedding day.  Not until post-baby, at least... :)

What do you do to keep your health on track?  Have any of you recently had to modify eating/exercise habits for any reason?  I'd love to hear what works for YOU!

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6.13.2011

not giving up :)

Thank you to those of you who sent kind and encouraging words my way over the past few days.  Things got better in time for the weekend- thanks to keeping so busy!  J's brother was in town, along with his fiancee and her family.  I mentioned before about how I was throwing her a bridal shower- which, by the way- was a huge success!   And the guys played some golf and went to a baseball game for some 'bachelor party' activities.  It was so wonderful to be able to see them all again... it really stinks being so far away all the time and only being able to see one another once or twice a year :(   Now it's the final countdown to their wedding in a few weeks, and I couldn't be more excited for them!

The hubs also does an amazing job of encouraging me to keep my head up.  He has definitely has had his times of sadness and grief, but he is a go-getter kind of guy and is not one to accept failure.  He will keep getting back on the horse and persist until he has succeeded.  His attitude and influence has helped me see the light through the pain of it all.  I hate to say that anything good has come from our situation, because it hasn't, but I have realized through this experience just how truly strong I am, and also how strong we are as a couple.

Here's to hoping good things are to come our way in the near future!




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6.09.2011

i can't imagine heaven's lullabies, and what they must sound like...

Sorry to go sad on you all... but I'm really missing our babies tonight.  I thought I've been doing pretty well, but then there's those times that it just hits you all over again.  Like the fact that....

  • baby #1 would be 22 weeks right now [the size of a papaya, 11 inches long!] or baby #2 would be almost 18 weeks [the size of a sweet potato, 5.5 inches long!]
  • we'd know the sex of either baby #1 or baby #2 by now (or very, very soon) and I'd be going nuts buying all kinds of cute little outfits and things for him/her- not to mention he/she would surely have their first pair of hockey skates by now.
  • and therefore we'd have a name picked out for our sweet little one as well!
  • I'd be feeling either of our little peanuts moving by now, and he/she would be able to hear our voices speaking to him/her and telling him/her how much we love them and can't wait to meet them
  • We'd only have to wait a few short months to meet our little one, see what he/she looks like, and start learning what kind of little person he/she is. 

But instead, I've got nothing.  Two angel babies looking down on us from heaven.  I guess that's better than none, but I would give anything for our sweet little one(s) to be with me in my belly right now.  It doesn't help that I still get e-mails and phone notifications telling me "Congratuations! You're 17 weeks pregnant today!" or remembering all of the plans that we had made thinking there was a little one on the way, or when somebody [innocently] asks when we're "going to have babies already?!". 

What upsets infuriates me even more is to see others take their pregnancy or child for granted.  Like the lady at our pool who is 20-some weeks pregnant and smokes 5+ cigarettes in the 2.5 hours she's at the pool while munching on a wide variety of junk foods.  Or that freaking Casey Anthony trial (she's soooo guilty).  How could someone kill their sweet, innocent child like that?  

Please give your child (or beautiful baby belly) an extra hug and kiss tonight and make sure to tell them how much you love them.  Don't forget to take time to step back and realize how blessed you truly are! 

As for those of you in situations similar to us, I hope that you will find comfort in knowing that you are not alone... and that surely, there are better days to come




"Glory Baby" by Watermark
[as posted on My Baby Still]
Glory baby, you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…


And we miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do


Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…


I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…


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wedding pictures!

Our first anniversary is coming up in a couple weeks [June 26], and we got a call from our photographer last week to come in and pick up our CD of the negatives.  Like many other wedding photographers, he releases the copywright to us for our 1st anniversary, so we were excited to hear that we were able to get them a few weeks early.  We also figured we'd better go in and order some prints-- it has been a year, after all!  Good thing we can use being in Finland as the excuse for that one.

Anyway, here are some of the pictures captured by our photographer [Pierre] on our big day:


adoreable pic of J with our
nephew/ring bearer
what a handsome looking bunch!

still so in love with my dress!
they were so excited to get their flowers!

another creative shot in the basement of the church
our adoreable nieces/flower girls

exiting the church into a sea-full of bubbles :)
meeting J at the altar

getting some lovin' from my new hubby
while surrounded by all of our loved ones
doesn't get much better than this!
my beautiful best friends/
bridesmaids

the 'jumping' pictures are one of Pierre's specialties

we finally got some air by take #4... :)

a beautiful day for pictures by the lake
the bike Pierre 'borrowed'
from the liquor store
random moments = lovely pictures

me and my fellow hockey-playing bridesmaids

can't beat this one

J and his groomsmen

beer truck picture... another result of
Pierre's spontaneous creativity!

most delicious raspberry cake ever!


our cute little centerpieces turned into this....

should have known this would happen with a
bunch of hockey players! haha

dancing with my sweet nieces/flower girls

personalized hockey puck favors
[J's ring & my engagement ring]

first dance
 Looking back through all of our pictures has made me fall in love with them all over again.  Our photographer, Pierre, and his assistant Sarah, did an amazingly wonderful job that exceeded all of our expectations.  I'd highly recommend his work to anyone looking for a highly talented photographer... check out his website or facebook page no need to be in the area, I do believe he is willing to travel :)


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6.08.2011

lavender sugar scrub

As I mentioned before, I'm throwing a bridal shower this weekend for my sister-in-law-to-be.  Being the DIY-er that I am, I just had to make homemade favors to send home with all of the guests!  It came to me as I was singing along to Carrie Underwood and exfoliating in the shower one day.... I would make homemade lavender sugar scrub and cutesy it up in little jars!  Ohhhh, I was so excited.  Here is what I came up with:

Lavender Sugar Scrub


1 cup white cane sugar
1/2 cup vegetable oil
4 drops lavender essential oil
1 Tbsp vitamin E oil
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Mix ingredients together in a bowl.  Pour into a glass container of your choice, decorate as desired.

I used 4 oz jam jars that I bought at a home/garden/farm supply store, but you can use any container you'd like!  I got about 3- 4oz. jars out of this recipe.

Happy DIY-ing! :)


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6.07.2011

what girl doesn't love jewelry?!

Whoa, it's been a crazy one in our household lately!  I feel like we've hardly had time to sit down in the last week or so.  It's kind of a nice change of pace though... come those dark, cold, boring January days in Finland while the hubby's at an away game, I'll be dreaming of these busy days with so much to do!

I'm pretty excited tonight because I just got home from a jewelry making class.  I started making jewelry a month or so ago after my 2nd miscarriage and surgery that followed.  I really needed/wanted a hobby that was all my own and thought that making a few fun pieces would be fun. 

So, I loaded up on supplies at Michael's and other craft/bead stores and began to wing it.  I've really impressed myself with how well I've done so far, and more importantly, I've been having fun doing it.  It's been very theraputic for me and has definitely taken my mind off of the events of recent months and given me back some of the drive and motivation that I lost during that time. 

Since I've enjoyed it so much, I decided to sign up and do a class or two at a local bead/jewelry store.  It was a Wire class, which is what I've really wanted to get better at.  She showed us lots of tips and tricks and we made a pair of earrings to take home: 



Not exactly the beads I would have picked out myself if I had the choice(especially since they're like different colors!) but I'm pretty proud of myself.  I've considered starting a little business out of it (with J being my investor, of course :) )  so we'll have to see what happens.  I even joked about renting a place at the Christmas Market in Helsinki this year... haha!  The 2nd part probably won't be happening.... but stay tuned, I may just have some nice jewelry pieces for sale soon! :)

Here are some of my first pieces:








I'm busy planning my sister-in-law-to-be's Bridal Shower for this weekend (along with a million other things goin on), but check back soon- I'll be writing a post about the shower favors that I made! (no, they're not jewelry :) )


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6.03.2011

stuffed chicken parm

Well, we're back home now and both exhausted.  It was a full week of shopping, seeing old friends, and working out (for J).  It was a lot of fun and great to get out of town for a while to spice things up a bit.  Maddie seemed to have fun at "Grandma and Grandpa's" (my in-laws) -- she's been sound asleep on the couch for most of the evening.  No matter how much fun we have away, it always feels so good to be home (I could do without all of the unpacking and laundry though!)

Tomorrow morning we'll be up bright and early again to run in the Race for the Cure like I talked about earlier.  Might be a bit of a rough one- I have only ran once this week while we were away (along with eating out several times and a few glasses of wine here and there....) and J is sore and tired from a hard week of workouts.  To help prepare us for our big day tomorrow, I made some stuffed chicken parm with spaghetti, green beans & red wine (no shame) for dinner tonight.  It was pretty delish so I thought I'd better share my recipe with you all:

Stuffed Chicken Parmesan

Ingredients:
Chicken Breasts
1/4 cup diced mozzarella & parmesan cheese (more or less, to your liking)
2 slices of bread, crumbed
1 tsp. oregano (more or less, to your liking)
1 tsp. parsley (more or less, to your liking)
a dash of salt & pepper
1 egg
small amount of flour

Wash and clean up chicken breasts, removing any excess fat.  Cut a pocket into the chicken breast from the top (like you're slicing it in half the long ways, but just cut a small opening with the pocket, don't go all the way through).  Stuff the pocket with cheese, filling to your liking.  Use a toothpick to hold the opening closed.

Mix together bread crumbs, oregano, parsley, salt & pepper in a bowl.  Line 2 more bowls up next to it,  pouring the flour into one and beating the egg in the other.  Roll chicken breast in flour first, then egg, then bread crumb mixture.  Place breasts in baking dish and bake ~30 minutes at 375 degrees F (190 C). 

While chicken is cooking, prepare the spaghetti:

Ingredients:
1 can (10 oz.) of tomato soup
1 can (15 oz.) of tomato sauce
1 can (6 oz.) of tomato paste
oregano, to taste
parsley, to taste
garlic, to taste
salt & pepper, to taste
Whole Grain wheat spaghetti

In a sauce pan, mix together tomato soup, sauce & paste.  Simmer over low heat, stirring occasionally.  Add in oregano, parsley, garlic, salt & pepper as desired.  Continue to simmer until well mixed and the sauce begins to thicken a little.  While sauce is cooking, boil water and cook pasta noodles.

Top noodles and chicken with spaghetti sauce & grate parmesan cheese on top.  Enjoy!

*I use the same recipe without the chicken to make regular old spaghetti... but I usually add 1 pound of ground beef to make it a meat sauce.  Sometimes I swap out garlic salt for fresh garlic & salt and sometimes I don't add the parsley and oregano (depends how much flavor we're in the mood for)  It's simple but delicious, and definitely a dish we long for when we're in Finland and can't find the exact ingredients! :)

I promise to have more and exciting posts coming soon... but for now, this girl's gotta get some shut eye before the big morning tomorrow.  Good thing we've got some lovely new sheets & new comforter to sleep with, courtesy of tax-free shopping in Minnesota! :)


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